Tuesday, July 9, 2013

And so it begins...

I've wanted to blog for years but never really gave myself enough time to do so. New promise to self, allow time for the things that make you happy. That's where my story really begins.

It has been a crazy year and a half. I am not the same person I was last April. I've finally come out (thank goodness, so much weight lifted just with 3 simple words... "Mom I'm Gay") and I have been becoming the person I've always seen myself as ever since. My best friend was actually the one who gave me confidence to finally do so. I wish things were different between us now so she could see how she really did help me turn my life around. Although there were many bad things that came from that tumultuous relationship I wouldn't change things for the world. Through her, I met the best thing that has ever happened to me. 


The friendship we've shared over the past year has taken a turn in the most amazing direction possible and now I get to call her mine forever. She has opened my eyes to real love for the first time and I couldn't imagine my life being any different. She is Brave, Kind Hearted, Smart, Funny and absolutely BEAUTIFUL! She makes me feel like I am finally home. After years of searching for myself, who knew that I wouldn't truly find me until I had her. As I've told her, "There is no me, without you." Possibly the most honest words I have ever uttered. 

Scary ground for me. Kyran. 

Trisha (well I should say we) has a beautiful little boy, Kyran. This kid is just amazing! Beautiful little lover boy with the best soul! I can't wait to see our tiny human grow into the amazing man I know he will be (even though I am soooo not allowed to talk about him growing up at all... I get in trouble haha). I know, I said scary. It's very scary. Mommy, Momma, Mom, all new names for me. I still have a hard time referring to myself as such. Not because I am not totally thrilled to be his Mom. Do NOT misunderstand me, this is probably the most important thing I will ever do. Raise a child. I think my fear is simple. I was not given the typical 9 months to become the worried mom. She was blessed (some may say cursed) with the time to think about everything. EVERYTHING. Don't get me wrong, I have had my "time" because I have known her his entire life but the title of "mommy" was much more recent for me. As of right now I am not able to be around every single day to see him grow and change (even though I am certain the genius individuals at Apple created FaceTime specifically for us) but it is fast approaching the day when I will. That is where my concern comes in. Will I do ok? Will I be the kind of Mom he needs? Will I be able to provide for him the way he needs and deserves? Will I raise him in a way that we will grow to be the best of friends? I sure hope so. If I am being honest with you, I truly think I will be a good mom. It's just something I think about. I know that Trisha and I make a great team and with both of our personalities being strong "care takers" I am sure that even in my weak moments she will know just what to do.

Well that quickly turned from "I hope I can even write enough to consider this a true "blog"" to "Whoa you wrote an entire page and a half!" Where was this inspiration in my English Lit class?